When you’re a new parent, the resentment can build for your partner. It can be very challenging to get out of this resentment spiral, but one of the biggest change you can make is to find balance in sharing the workload. This is especially true when it comes to sleep. As a baby sleep consultant, I too frequently see only one parent who can settle the child and rocking or feeding your baby in the dark can be the perfect environment for the rage and resentment to build. Here are some tips for sharing the parent load to get you out of the resentment cycle.

Communicate and Set Expectations

The first step in sharing the parent load is to communicate with your partner and set expectations. Talk about your individual needs and come up with a plan that works for both of you. Discuss what each of you can do to help each other out in terms of taking care of the baby, household chores, and taking time for yourselves. It's important to be flexible and willing to adjust the plan as needed, but having a basic framework in place can help reduce stress and ensure everyone is on the same page.

Create a Sleep Schedule

I don’t mean get into a strict routine, but - splitting out the roles and responsibilities that are associated with sleep can really help you to divide and concur. I see a lot of caregivers split bath time and bedtime, where one parent is in charge of getting them ready for bed and one is in charge of putting them to sleep. Even better is if you can switch roles every few nights to keep it (somewhat) interesting.

Once your baby is asleep, you can also take turns checking on them or handling any wake-ups. This will give each of you time to rest and recharge.

Take Turns with Nighttime Feedings

If you're breastfeeding, it can be difficult to share the load when it comes to nighttime feedings. However, there are still ways to divide the workload. If you have a pump, your partner can take over some of the feedings by giving your baby a bottle of pumped milk. If you're not able to pump, your partner can still help by handling diaper changes or taking over some of the soothing duties. This will allow you to get some much-needed rest and help your partner feel more involved in the care of your baby.

I know some parents who split the responsibilities of the night in half, where dad might do bedtime until 1am and mum does 1am until morning. In some cases, the parent who’s “off duty” may even sleep in another room to get uninterrupted rest.

Don't Be Afraid to Ask for Help

Finally, don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Whether it's from your partner, a family member, or a trusted friend, having someone to help out can make all the difference. Even if it's just for an hour or two so you can take a nap or go for a walk, every little bit helps. Remember that it's okay to ask for help and that you don't have to do everything on your own.

Sharing the parent load is all about finding a balance that works for you and your partner. Remember that it's a team effort, and that you're not alone in this. With some planning and flexibility, you can create a system that works for your family and helps everyone get the rest they need to thrive.